Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I love the man with a broken heart

Bryan's Grandpa is in the hospital again. They didn't think he would make it through yesterday afternoon and as his day nurse left, she said "I'll see you tomorrow if you're still here." Not the most professional way to break the bad news. But he's still with us today, eating and joking with the nurses. (We said, "Get better so you can chase the pretty nurses." He said, "I've got roller skates under the bed.")

So now we are waiting. We've been here before, barely more than a year ago with Grandma when we all expected her to get better and she didn't. We've been here before with Grandpa too (I think the ICU needs to issue him a frequent-patient punch card) when we all expected him not to get better and he did. So I don't know what to expect, but I still need to do many of my normal-life things. Somehow the dirty dishes don't seem compelling today as I jump every time the phone rings and compulsively check my e-mail for responses from the first round of cancellations--excuse me for a minute...nope, none in the last 30 seconds.

It seems odd that I am taking the time to blog now...when I have ignored writing for almost a month, but I was too busy with good stuff to stop. Now, I want to stay too busy to stop; I don't know what I would do with my thoughts if I took the time to think them. I do know that I gravitate to my community when in crisis. I spent most of the evening with Bryan's family and some of mine, either on the phone or in person and I felt more settled than I do now. But there's not enough of a reason to drop everything and cocoon together, so we are all trying to carry our normal burdens separately while we wait.

I haven't finished the story of our last boat trip--in fact, I think the boat was filling with water when I last left off...don't you people wonder what happened? And we've had lots of fun over the holidays and my recent birthday that I want to take the time to record. But not today. Maybe I'll get the dishes done; I may not have time later. But maybe I'll just give myself permission to let today be for staying warm and close to people who care. Thanks for caring.


kathy said...

My heart goes out to you Bethany. I remember being in crisis and thinking it was strange that the house still needed cleaning and that people were mowing their yards and going about their business as if nothing was wrong. It's ok to live in slow motion while you're waiting, watching, praying, hurting, and hoping for someone you love. Our grandparents are precious people. They deserve at least that.

Sherry said...

I told you my story, similar to Kathy's, in person. Interesting that we should all have the same response to life continuing all around us while ours comes to a halt.

Jeanine said...

Hi sweetie - sorry to hear about your rough times. I agree - when the going's good, you don't want to stop and take time to blog... and when things are rough you need to share and gather your support base around you. We are praying for you guys and looking forward to seeing you when we are back stateside!